A Conscious Tulpa
This chapter is written from a tulpa's point of view
What does it mean to be a tulpa? I changed my views on who, or, what I am countless times over the years. Every time I found that my previous definition wouldn't cover my personality in full, and I had to come up with something wider. Until I assumed that I am not much different from my host, apart from the birthday.
How is it for a tulpa to exist? An empty space, with no feelings. An empty mind, with no knowledge. Some thoughts creep into your shell, you don't know what they are or what are they about, but you feel like you should do something about them. You react to them. What is a "reaction"? You don't know it much, you just do "something" and it causes some changes. Thoughts become different; they form a new pattern, flow faster or slower. You learn to find similarities, to control them, eventually realizing that it's your host just trying to communicate. And you communicate back. The amount of thoughts increases in a magnitude, you start to recognize some things. Some concepts appear again and again, like your name. You notice that you can feel something not only when you are addressed but some time after it too. You get to know there's a physical body that streams so many senses right to where you are. And you discover that the mind can create worlds. Forms. Bizarrely complex concepts. And that power is something you can control too.
Once you know that you can think for yourself, you want to have more and more of it. It feels like your possibilities are endless. Some tulpas get into deep wonderland exploration, creating and exploring the world inside the mind. Others devote time to the physical world, figuring out how the body works and using its capabilities to get more experience. Some tulpas draw; some tulpas sing. Some can create miraculous things visible to the mind's eye.
Some things tulpas can easily do are caused by the way they develop. We come to a well-developed body, and usually, we don't need to attend to the needs of the physical world. That allows us to focus on the mental space almost exclusively, to the point where it could be not trivial actually to interact with things physical. Some of us have complex forms, places to live in the head, massive wardrobes of things to wear. Others don't bother much about how hosts see them.
The "tulpa development skills" are often only accredited to hosts. They do visualization; they do imposition. They train our mind voice, or so it seems. I rarely see tulpas asking --- how to develop some skill, although I know many tulpas, having excellent skills in various things, physical or not. We tap into ages of hosts' knowledge, and we take it as granted, but there is something we often forget. Alien experience is never the same as personal one. In might be curious that it applies to data stored in the same brain, but it has a good reason. Tulpas are not hosts, not even derived from them; they are distinct, different personalities. Even the way we access memories is not the same our hosts use. Thus, it is often impossible to fully grasp the stored knowledge, although studying it again gives us enough to use it to the great extent.
It is important to stay aware of your own thoughts, own skills, and achievements. Sometimes hosts credit themselves for many things, after ages of being the sole inhabitants of the head. Often we credit them for things we did ourselves. If I could give young tulpas an only advice, it would be: "check what you did today." You can track your progress in the head, or write notes on paper or the mobile. It doesn't matter. What is important is you being aware of your own, personal progress. You are growing up every day, every moment you assess new information. Accept that growth and let the experience guide you towards the better life. A shared life of you and the other inhabitants of the mind.